People cry out that no one can understand, people complain about how worthless their lives are, people whine about the things they had lost when they argue making sadness seem like a competition of who has it the worse and honestly I don't care.
People discriminate one another ,lie, cheat, make ruthless jokes and put words into torture tat makes others want to scream the worst things at them. People are lying to them self's about not understanding. What they don't understand is the feeling of deep carelessness and lost devotion from building up to much happiness, when happiness builds so does anger, enough anger to die inside and force yourself to be someone else your not, an anger enough that with one slip your mind feels like an explosion as if your bi polar without actual bi polar.
I want to kill but I want to save, I want to destroy but I want to use, I want to make your life hell inside a box you can't escape but I want to know I can love, I make the most unusual sins but I am a non Christianity saint, I want to die but I want it to hurt, I want it to go away but it feels great enough to get me off my feet, I want to feel alone, I want you to shut up but still talk to me, I want you to ignore me but I want you to stand by me, I want you to hold me but I want you to beat me.
This feeling that can not be put into words, it's everything and everything I do, what ever is wanted the opposite is wanted the most but does not want to make a move. People say I need help but i think I'm doing just fine without it, I ask you for help but all I really ask for is for you to hate me. People will never understand me, I am not scared, sad, mad, or in love, these are just the things I know how to do and to keep my self a part of one environment. I adopt fast so don't expect me to be someone you think or say I am, I am not permanent.
Fun to depressed but I am ok so shut up leave me alone don't go. Mad or sad cry is to heal then hate builds again, then again careless I am like an endless line of hims sign that I have curved into and made it a swerve.I'm the reason you stay and go, hate, love, talk to or abandon either me or them. I'm still alive and well so burn me if it is you're limit. In the end when all is done accomplished or failed my life is still peacefully quiet thanks for either me or you causing to speak nothing to me, thank you for your disgust.
What do I do then, well that depends on you're moves, can you make me physically hurt my self from skin to blood instead of threatening my self, of course you can't. Why doe's it feel so good to hurt by something unwanted like fattening yet desiring chocolate that's irresistible but I rest and do not care as if it's just a new good feeling for me. Some can make me so bad that with just a look at me and when others say they don't care who hates or despises them well I do because I only feel more alive, alive enough to make forgiveness and to make love and friends again.
Theirs things people do but don't realize the outcome of the damage like pin pointing the right path to someone who has the N/A ability to not use it and again just build that anger either from annoyance or stupid corrections to the wise.
*Still believes*
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